The Tape
Oh no.....not again! I am over drafting my checking account? Wait a minute - I just lost ten pounds and I am eating a whole pound of cake? I really like this guy - but I just asked him to get the hell out of my house? I got a promotion and why am I procrastinating on getting my projects done? The weird contradictions we make daily on this journey to "adulting", "womenhood" and "wholeness" can drive any sane person insane. We pray for what we want, and then we think we get it, but make choices opposite of that.
As I heal from another broken relationship as women in her late thirties. I knew there would need to be a deeper discussion with myself other than, "don't worry girl, you will find him someday." No, that wasn't going to work this time. My life was starting to look like Groundhogs Day and it didn't make any sense to me. Don't I want what I say I want? Well, why do I almost have it and then it blows up in my face and disappears? Some chalk it up to, "Well, girl, you need to learn the lesson" I am tired of that clichéd conversation. I need the truth...or else I wont be able to sleep for another day of my life.
After a deeper discussion with my therapist, I realized that I have this ongoing dysfunctional tape within me, a core belief....that uses my past as a frame of reference. Oh yes, with any type of discomfort ....it shouts at me " You are not good enough", You should be ashamed", You are a hot mess", "You should be embarrassed", "You are Unworthy." You know - from the time of my life when I used to have psychotic outbursts and lash out at people, or when I used to have angry tirades with my mother, or when I would call a guy twenty times until he picked up. Oh - how about the times I would viciously attack my sister or drink and smoke until I passed out? Or when I would date the most ridiculous people and have them drive my car? LOL I can only laugh at this stuff now because it's not who I am anymore and I have come along way. I rarely take a moment to reflect on my growth and how much God has helped me to transform. And if I am judging myself because of who I used to be 10-15 years ago - my core belief system about myself is a damn lie. So this "I'm not good enough", "Dysfunctional Life", "Crazy" tape is outdated, null and void and I rebuke it in the name of Jesus and everything good. What a lie I have been living to try to ambush and infiltrate the wonderful things God has blessed me with, the growth, the love and the learning. Actually, it was never the truth - just a stage in my life where I needed intense growth and healing.
Has this old tape destroyed somethings that could have been good? Has it set me back and had me waste time in pain? Absolutely! But guess what? I forgive myself because I didn't know until today. And you can't do better, until you know better. Most importantly, God woke me up this morning which means I have another opportunity to learn and intentionally do better. As my favorite scripture states, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” - Jeremiah 29:11. God has given us hope, so no matter what happens, we should have the fortitude and the faith to move forward with a great expectation. We can always start again and chose again.
So to all my sisters in the struggle...you probably can relate...are you playing an outdated tape in your head that is sabotaging your efforts to live a fulfilling life in the now? Do you find yourself having something and then losing it quickly once you achieve it (money, health, relationships, job, family, friends)? It's ok - stop blaming yourself and beating yourself up right now. You deserve the time and space to heal and grow and that starts with forgiveness.
The biggest blessing in this whole life is that you have TODAY to start telling yourself the truth. I always hear older people say "Tell the truth and shame the devil." Join me in this devil shaming ceremony!
What lie have you about you have you been believing about yourself?
What is the current evidence of this lie in your life?
Now reflect - tell the TRUTH about you (You may need help from friends and family if you are struggling. A trusted therapist can also help).
Now write out that old statement, cross it out and replace it with the new statement in Bold letters.
Put the new statement wherever you can see it and repeat it regularly for 30 days.
Here is my old statement:
I am broken and dysfunctional.
My new statement:
I am a beautiful and purposeful child of God who is healing, growing, loving and learning more about herself each and every day.
Let's shame the devil together. What's your lie and your new truth? Write it in the comments below.
#Freedom #TheWell #ComeandDrink
As I heal from another broken relationship as women in her late thirties. I knew there would need to be a deeper discussion with myself other than, "don't worry girl, you will find him someday." No, that wasn't going to work this time. My life was starting to look like Groundhogs Day and it didn't make any sense to me. Don't I want what I say I want? Well, why do I almost have it and then it blows up in my face and disappears? Some chalk it up to, "Well, girl, you need to learn the lesson" I am tired of that clichéd conversation. I need the truth...or else I wont be able to sleep for another day of my life.
After a deeper discussion with my therapist, I realized that I have this ongoing dysfunctional tape within me, a core belief....that uses my past as a frame of reference. Oh yes, with any type of discomfort ....it shouts at me " You are not good enough", You should be ashamed", You are a hot mess", "You should be embarrassed", "You are Unworthy." You know - from the time of my life when I used to have psychotic outbursts and lash out at people, or when I used to have angry tirades with my mother, or when I would call a guy twenty times until he picked up. Oh - how about the times I would viciously attack my sister or drink and smoke until I passed out? Or when I would date the most ridiculous people and have them drive my car? LOL I can only laugh at this stuff now because it's not who I am anymore and I have come along way. I rarely take a moment to reflect on my growth and how much God has helped me to transform. And if I am judging myself because of who I used to be 10-15 years ago - my core belief system about myself is a damn lie. So this "I'm not good enough", "Dysfunctional Life", "Crazy" tape is outdated, null and void and I rebuke it in the name of Jesus and everything good. What a lie I have been living to try to ambush and infiltrate the wonderful things God has blessed me with, the growth, the love and the learning. Actually, it was never the truth - just a stage in my life where I needed intense growth and healing.
Has this old tape destroyed somethings that could have been good? Has it set me back and had me waste time in pain? Absolutely! But guess what? I forgive myself because I didn't know until today. And you can't do better, until you know better. Most importantly, God woke me up this morning which means I have another opportunity to learn and intentionally do better. As my favorite scripture states, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” - Jeremiah 29:11. God has given us hope, so no matter what happens, we should have the fortitude and the faith to move forward with a great expectation. We can always start again and chose again.
So to all my sisters in the struggle...you probably can relate...are you playing an outdated tape in your head that is sabotaging your efforts to live a fulfilling life in the now? Do you find yourself having something and then losing it quickly once you achieve it (money, health, relationships, job, family, friends)? It's ok - stop blaming yourself and beating yourself up right now. You deserve the time and space to heal and grow and that starts with forgiveness.
The biggest blessing in this whole life is that you have TODAY to start telling yourself the truth. I always hear older people say "Tell the truth and shame the devil." Join me in this devil shaming ceremony!
What lie have you about you have you been believing about yourself?
What is the current evidence of this lie in your life?
Now reflect - tell the TRUTH about you (You may need help from friends and family if you are struggling. A trusted therapist can also help).
Now write out that old statement, cross it out and replace it with the new statement in Bold letters.
Put the new statement wherever you can see it and repeat it regularly for 30 days.
Here is my old statement:
I am broken and dysfunctional.
My new statement:
I am a beautiful and purposeful child of God who is healing, growing, loving and learning more about herself each and every day.
Let's shame the devil together. What's your lie and your new truth? Write it in the comments below.
#Freedom #TheWell #ComeandDrink
Well said. My tape is constantly being rewound and I have to hit pause and breathe. But I am not the person I was yesterday today I am BETTER ..Amen
ReplyDeletePreach!
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